Tuesday 29 September 2009

The Clash Between My Love and Culture


(LOVE in Melbourne)

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Pagi ini aku bangun pagi seperti biasa. Begitu membuka mata memori tentang tadi malam tiba-tiba saja berputar di kepalaku.
Ronnie: “When will you return to your country?”
Uliph: “December…um.. or January maybe.”
Ronnie: “And all will be over in December.”
Uliph: “What do you mean?”
Ronnie: “A’ said to me ‘Wait until December you will tell me’.”
Uliph: “Tell about what?”
Ronnie: “About you.”
………………
Ronnie: “Are you going back here?”
Uliph: “Hm… probably.”
Ronnie: “You should ask your parents that you wanna go here.”
Uliph: “Why should? That’s my choice.”
Ronnie: “You should ask your parents to sponsor your self to study here.”
Uliph: “Yes they wil. But I don’t want to burden them. I’ll get my scholarship.”
…………….
Terus barusan aku telepon Mom di Berastagi dan perlahan tapi pasti aku mulai memberi clue dan dengan gampangnya clue tentang pacarku itu ditangkapnya. Terus jawabnya “Tapi kam gak serius kam nak ku?”. Aku jawab “Gak kok.”
Dalam pembicaraanku, tiba-tiba aku teringat bahwa dia juga pernah cerita tentang aku sama Momnya dan aku ingat dia bilang Momnya juga menyanyakan hal yang sama “Are you serious?”. Terus dia bilang samaku kalau dia jawab “I don’t know.”
Aku gak ngerti kenapa orang tua menyakan pertanyaan seperti itu. Apakah untuk usia sekarang ini pacaran dianggap sebagai suatu keseriusan.
Mom: “Gak apa Nakku kalau teman-teman gitu aja. Asal jangan serius, jangan bawa ke hati. Tapi kam jaga diri ya disana.”
Uliph: “Tenang Mak, aku tau kok jaga diri.”
……………
Uliph: “Mak, entar kalau Mamak ke sini dia bilang mau ketemu sama Mamak. Kam mau ketemuin dia? Kalau aku terserah Mamak, aku tau Mamak pengen yang terbaik samaku. Kalau kam iya aku senang. Siapa tau kam cocok sama dia.
Mom: Kalau ketemu dulu aja gak apa Nakku. Tapi Mamak pengennya orang Karo.”
..…………
(Berapa menit kemudian pembicaraan di telpon beralih ke adekku di Medan)
Uliph: “Dek, jadi menurutmu gimana pacarku?”
Ela: “Haha.... aku sih biasa aja. Cuma Mamak bilang jangan serius kali berteman.”
Uliph: “Kau suka gak?”
Ela: “Aku gimana ya Liph, aku lebih suka kakak iparku orang Indonesia.”
…………..
(Pembicaraan beralih dengan Elisabeth, room mateku)
Uliph: “Mamakku bilang jangan serius samanya.”
Elisabeth: “Hmgh… itu udah ultimatum itu.”
Uliph: “Ultimatum? Masa sih? Dia Cuma bilang gitu.”
Elisabeth: “Iya lah, ultimatum buat putus.”
……………
Aku pun berkontemplase di kamarku. Rasanya kasian sama dia kalau ternyata dia seserius itu samaku, karena aku gak serius sama dia dan gak bisa serius sama dia. Aku punya adat yang mengikatku dan aku menghargai adatku. Aku juga sayang sama orang tuaku dan aku ingin mereka bahagia. Rasanya mencari belahan jiwa memang begitu rumit. Terutama bila menjadi orang Indonesia yang punya adat yang kental. Menikah denganku artinya menikah juga dengan keluargaku. Tapi aku tidak akan membeci hal yang metanaratif padaku sekarang ini. Apa yang ada padaku adalah yang terbaik. So, please just let it flow. No solution here. I know this is not right but I just wanna spend my next 3 months with joyfulness with you. Then we’ll see weathered destiny unite us or not.

Monday 28 September 2009

Melbourne Part 2

Hari ini aku bangun dengan perasaan aneh. Bangun dengan perasaan hampa dan merasa tidak berguna. Kemudian duduk dibangku yang sama selama 6 jam tanpa melakukan apa-apa sampai pinggulku berasa sakit. Tiba-tiba aku merasa benci terhadap diriku sendiri. Aku benci menjadi manusia tidak berguna. Aku tidak melakukan apapun belakangan ini di Australia. Hanya menikmati hidupku. Kupikir-pikir lagi apalah faedah nya melakukan itu semua. Go for party, traveling and laughing, shopping, watching movie. No study! So selfish. Padahal waktu tidak berulang lagi. Kalau aku bersenang senang sekarang entah apa yang akan kudapatkan dikemudiannya. Aku lupa akan target-targetku. Aku hanya ingin mencoba segala sesuatu yang tidak pernah kurasakan waktu di Indonesia. I went to church but didn’t listen what they said. Saat paling ku benci adalah saat aku kehilangan fokusku. Seperti berlari tapi gak tau arahnya. Lama-lama tersesat dan akhirnya sadar bahwa aku memang telah tersesat. Ketika sadar aku telah lelah dan terlalu letih untuk kembali. Akhirnya aku terduduk dan mengumpulkan kembali energiku untuk dapat berlari dari start awal.
Sudah sangat lama gak menulis sampai-sampai aku lupa caranya menulis dengan properly. Sudah lama gak latihan piano sampai-sampai aku lupa bagaimana cara memainkannya. Udah lama gak baca buku sampai sampai aku merasa agak terbeban untuk menghabiskan satu judul buku. Tubuhku keletihan dan rasanya menyedihkan keletihan karena capai melakukan hal yang tidak berguna.
Hal lain yang kubenci adalah ketika aku tidak punya sandaran. Ketika mereka berkata ‘don’t trust me’ pada saat aku percaya. Mungkin aku memang orang yang gampang percaya. Tapi aku senang mengetahui bahwa aku orang yang gampang percaya sama orang. Karena aku tau betapa tidak enaknya menjadi orang yang curigaan. Melihat dunia secara anarkis. Pada akhirnya aku percaya setiap orang tidak senang mengecewakan orang lain. Berusaha agar orang percaya pada perkataannya dan berusaha mengoreksi diri jika pada akhirnya kepercayaan orang padanya pudar karena kesalahannya.
I think I need a very long sleep then when I wake up I will be return to the real me. Be a useful person!
And for all these things, I think I need God to accompany me…
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important. [ C. S. Lewis ]
Melbourne, 28 September 2009

(FEDERATION SQUARE)

Monday 14 September 2009

Deja-Vu

Hi everyone, this is my first assigment in Swinburne which is for Writing Fiction subject. What a very easy assignment. However this is not a good job, but at least I've done my best. My BF helped me for all the grammar error.

Déjà-vu

I met him for the first time on this train station. He was there staring at me. Wearing his khaki leather jacket, he looked awesome. He kept staring at me. I became a little bit nervous. I pretended as if no one was looking at me. I tried to look to another side. Nevertheless, every time I turned my sight to him, I could see that he kept his eyes on me.

The train is coming so I am safe now. I whispered to myself. I waited for some time to make sure that the train has gone from my sight. Huff… I exhale my breath. I feel more relax now. I don’t know why but his gaze is so sharp on my eyes. No body ever did that to me. Wait! I think that was not the first time I met him. Memory is flashing on my mind. I tried to remember when I met him before. Well, is it what people used to call déjà-vu?

***

Finally, I met that girl again this morning. She walks alone as if she does not care about anyone around her. She looks a bit pale. I am afraid that she could faint anytime. I try to greet her to ask whether she needs help or not.

***

Today I go to the school after such a long time. The environment is unfriendly. No one wants to neither smile nor accost me. Indeed, I am always a looser.

“Hi…” I hear a man voice speaks very close to my ears. I can smell good fragrance from his body. He has mesmerized me with every part of his body. He is a very good-looking man, even more when you see him closely.

“Are you OK?” he speaks nicely. Now I even can smell his breath. Then I suddenly realize that I am sculpting.

“I am fine.” I reply. But seems like I whispering something unclear. I even not notice that I keep bowing my head while looking at him in the strange way.

“But… you are not looking very well. I think you should go to health unit.” He suggests me whilst gives his hand.

“No… I am fine.” I try to push his hand away. Before I escape from him, I can see his shocking expression.

I step my feet so fast so that he can’t catch me. I should admit that there is a strange feeling on me about him.


***

I can’t close my eyes tonight. I can’t stop thinking about that girl. I saw her twice two days back. Honestly, I can’t ignore her. She is so beautiful indeed. I admit her deep dark brown eyes, her red lips, and her curly blonde hairs. Oh God... what should I do? Did I do the wrong things when I was asking her this morning? Huff.... it makes me confuse. And... auch... the harder I try to remember, I get headache. I think I should take my medicine now. It’s been one week since I went out from the hospital.

***

The sky has become dark now but I still stay at school. I don’t know why, but I feel so stick with this place. I don’t want to go anywhere even though I am doing nothing here. Or maybe I am just confused where I should go after school.

***

Geez... why she is still there? Still in the same bench? And... Oh... I just realize that she is still wearing the same dress, which she was wearing yesterday. In fact, I ever saw her wore that dress in the train station last week. Hold on, I think I have seen those clothes even before last week.
All of sudden, my heart beat so fast. All the past memory is spinning in my head. I try to dare myself to get close to her. I step my feet slowly. My heart is now beating so fast as I can hear it.

“Hello Sarah.” It feels choking before finally I can call her name.

“Hi Josh.” She replies. She turns her head and smile so lovely. Now I can understand why she always looks that pale.

***

I can remember all the things clearly now. Yes, he was there when the accident happened. He took a seat on that train right beside me. He is a so attractive that it makes me talk to him. Afterwards all I can hear is a big crash and screams.

All of a sudden, all I can see is white shadow. Maybe I should go to heaven, if actually it exists. Or maybe I should not be going anywhere. I am here and will always be here.

***

It was the last time I saw her. After that day she disappeared without any trace. Where did she go?


Fin

Monday 7 September 2009

First Thing Bout Melbourne

Hi!
Lama ga nulis sesuatu di blog.
Udah sebulan tinggal di Melbourne, begitu banyak yang terjadi sampai gak bisa ditulis lagi dalam blog. Aku pikir belakangan aku mulai meninggalkan kegemaranku menulis dan menggantikannya dengan facebook. Sebenarnya fb gak buruk cumanya buat addicted.
Belakangan pikiranku terganggu dengan si pacar. Oh God, benar-benar membuatku gak konsen. Tapi sekarang aku percaya dengannya, jadi gak usah risau lagi… =)
Belakangan aku juga kehilangan inti hidupku. Aku traveling terlalu banyak, melihat hal terlalu banyak, merenung terlalu banyak, sampai-sampai aku lupa kalau aku punya target-target yang harus ku capai. Hidup memang selalu hidup pada waktunya. Semuanya di sini baru dan menyenangkan. Pertama kali aku mencoba hal-hal yang tidak pernah aku lakukan di Indonesia dulu. Seperti contohnya pertama kali party sampe mabok (but there was nothing happen for sure). Segalanya serba menyengkan sehingga membuatku betah. Aku senang tinggal di Melbourne tapi jauh lebih cinta Indonesia. Aku rasa pengalaman ini bakal jadi pengalaman yang paling tidak terlupakan seumur hidup.
Banyak hal tentang Melbourne yang harus ku ceritakan. Aku janji akan menulis blog tiap hari mulai sekarang. Supaya aku gak lupa betapa menyenangkannya Melbourne.
Cheers,
Olivia
Selipan (Convertation wid him):
9:01Ronaq
morning loi
oli
**
9:01pmOlivia
shut up!
my name is olivia
and it's still midnite
not morning
9:01pmRonaq
its 12.01
here in mont albert
dont knw abt hawthorn
9:02pmOlivia
i dun care
9:03pmRonaq: i love u!!
9:03pmOlivia: i am doubt
9:04pmRonaq: lol
hahahaha
why?
9:04pmOlivia: coz u dun care of me
9:04pmRonaq: ofcourse i care thats why im here
to talk to u
9:05pmOlivia: why u should talk to me
i wanna talk wid my friends
9:05pmRonaq: so wat
im also ur frd like boyfrd
plzz olivia dont get angry
9:07pmOlivia: r u my bf?
9:07pmRonaq: wkwkwkwkkkw
9:09pmOlivia: r u laughing or what?
i dun think it's funny
9:09pmRonaq: no
i jus copied wat i remmeber u typing
i remember almost everything u do
9:10pmOlivia
what did i do?
what did i type?
9:11pmRonaq
i saw typing this in someones comments
u**
9:11pmOlivia: ??
9:11pmRonaq: forget it
9:11pmOlivia: who's dat smone?
9:11pmRonaq: i'll tell u tomm
Masbey
9:12pmOlivia
i dun wanna c u tmrw
9:12pmRonaq
why
wat
why
9:14pmRonaq
olivia r u alrite
common
9:16pmRonaq
olivia i didnt call u coz i was tired
and had work
so didnt get much time
and i thought u must be in class
plzzzzzzz
sorry
9:17pmOlivia
i am sleepy now
wanna go sleep
gn
tc
9:18pmRonaq
ook
gnite
take care
iluv u
bye

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